CHILDREN

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Child Focussed, Child Inclusive and Child Consultations

At Myrelationshipbreakdown.com we want to work with you to ensure that you as parents
have a full understanding of your child’s needs before, during and after separation. As
parents you need to be aware that your separation will impact all the family. Divorce/
Separation as a rule will not harm your children it is the conflict around the separation/
divorce will cause the harm.


Children are resilient, and if they are age appropriately informed of the changes this will
help your children deal more effectively with the loss and grief that will be associated
with separation.


Children thrive when they come from what is termed a ‘secure base’ that is where there is
routine, love, structure, affection and continuity of care. When a relationship breaks
down these things suffer, be it the parents being unavailable emotionally to their children,
conflict, one parent moving out of the home etc.

Family works as a system, and all systems whether mechanical or human work in the same
way


· All of the systems must be present and operational for the system to work at its
best, Mom, Dad, Granny, Grandad, Children, Cousins etc,
· The systems part must be arranged in a certain way, for it to fulfil its work- What
does your home normally ‘look’ like? Who does what? What will happen now?
· Systems try and keep their course stable in spite of alterations and instabilities,
e.g. Who collects me from school now that I am living in a different house?
· The systems require information to be fed back so as to operate functionally, -Why
is mommy/daddy not here all of the time- I’m afraid, I don’t know if you are both going to
go……
· All systems are part of larger schemes and organisations, family, school,
community,

Maintaining Children’s Attachments

After separation, the parent who leaves often worries that they will lose contact with the
children and is resolute to spend vast volumes of time with them on a consistent basis. If
at this stage there is non co-operation between the resident parent , the non-resident
parent maybe restricted to a negligible role in the children’s lives or no role at all.
Maintaining relationship between the non- resident parent and children requires prolonged
effort on the part of both parents.
This can be very trying for both parents, due to unsolved feelings on the part of the
parents.


Mediation can help both parents see issues from the other parent’s perspective and from
that, possibly understand what it may be like for the other.
Mediation also helps parents understand what it may be like for the children, e.g. What it
may be like when a parent who has lived with the children for some or all of their lives, no
longer lives there all of the time…..


Mediation can help parents focus on the voice of the child within the separation/divorce
process. When parents (ex-partners) are feeling betrayed and disappointed at the loss of
the marital relationship it can be hard to focus on the needs of children. It is vitally
important to remember that children suffer the loss of the family also, and so their voices
need to be heard.
It is also very important to remember that children have RIGHTS in relation to having their
voice heard. The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that children have the
right to be consulted and to express an opinion on matters affecting them according to
their age and maturity.


Myrelationshipbreakdown.com can help
Support parents to tell their children if this has not been done


• Parents take a shared parenting approach
• Establish a ‘parenting plan’ that works for all
• Support relationships with both parents
• Help children have their voice heard

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